So, what changed? Well for one, we got married! On August 9, 2008, Von and I were married in San Francisco. It wasn't the wedding I had been planning originally - it was very last minute, none of our family or local friends were able to be there, and it wasn't the Jewish ceremony that I'd hoped for - but it was beautiful, incredibly meaningful, and LEGAL.
While our state doesn't recognize same-sex marriages (and actually goes beyond not recognizing them, but I'll get to that in a minute), we were at least able, right here in Delaware, to use our legal marriage certificate to get Social Security to change our names, just like any other married couple, instead of having to petition the courts for a name change, as most same-sex couples are required to do: I am now Leslie Carol V.-M., and Von is now Yvonne V. M. We decided to change our names, even though as middle-aged old farts we've both been content with our given names for almost fifty years (me) or more (Von), to make it very clear to the world who we are to each other. We also wanted to have one consistent family name (M.) since we are helping to raise our granddaughters who both share that name.
Of course, what happened next was Proposition 8, or "Prop Hate" as it's known in our home. We are still anxiously waiting for the California Supreme Court's decision on Prop Hate. Let me tell you that it really sucks beyond all measure to know that it's still possible that we could be forced to divorce, depending on whether or not the court allows Ken Starr and his supporters to have their way, as they are fighting to have our marriage nullified despite how the Yes on 8 marketeers very carefully kept that part of their strategy away from the people who they convinced to take away our right to marry: They knew that while they could create enough lie- and prejudice-based fear to swing votes, many of those voters would have voted NO had they been asked directly, "Do you vote to forcibly divorce the thousands of same-sex couples who are already legally married."
But even all that isn't the reason for my reinstating this blog. This is no longer about wedding planning, and it's not about same-sex marriages in California. It's about having our getting married mean that we are now considered criminals by the state of Delaware.
That's right. Criminals. Because Delaware law says that any same-sex couple who goes to another state to get legally married then comes back to Delaware to live as if they're a married couple is breaking Delaware law and can be fined or jailed for their transgressions.
Hard to believe? Read it here: http://delcode.delaware.gov/title13/c001/sc01/index.shtml
A marriage is prohibited and void between a person and his or her ancestor, descendant, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew, first cousin or between persons of the same gender.
The guilty party or parties to a marriage prohibited by § 101 of this title shall be fined $100, and in default of the payment of the fine shall be imprisoned not more than 30 days.
If a marriage prohibited by this chapter is contracted or solemnized outside of the State, when the legal residence of either party to the marriage is in this State, and the parties thereto shall afterwards live and cohabit as spouses within the State, they shall be punished in the same manner as though the marriage had been contracted in this State.
Honestly right now as I write this, I don't know what I plan to do to fight to get this changed, but I do plan to fight. My first step is just this: Saying publicly, as we already have at both of our workplaces - and we both work for the State of Delaware - that we are lawbreakers. We don't honestly expect to be arrested and fined, considering that our friends and coworkers include police and judges, all who have been supportive and NONE who knew that this law even existed. We also don't expect to be arrested and fined because I have no doubt whatsoever that those who oppose same-sex marriage in Delaware know that this law would be turned over in a heartbeat if it were actually put to the test.
But I can't sit back and let this stay on the books. Just because a law is not and will not be enforced doesn't make it harmless to me. It's harmful to me because it declares that my marriage is not just not recognized in Delaware, but that it's actually illegal. It's harmful to me because it causes supporters of same-sex marriage to actually refrain from acknowledging their support of an activity that is illegal in this state. It's harmful because it hurts: It hurts my feelings, it hurts my family, it has no basis in anything other than prejudice and fear. It's wrong and it needs to be changed.
If you've read this far and you are in Delaware and you are willing to do something to help get this law off the books, please post a note of support, and please follow along as I muddle through figuring out what to do to get this changed.
